Thursday, 8 November 2007

SPCK bookshops: the hidden music

The staff at the SSG (formerly SPCK) bookshops are forbidden from using a wide range of music at 'events', as this short segment from the new contract shows.

I think the musicians in our midst would be doing a service to the bookshop community if they were to come up with some music suitable for use at SSG bookshop events. These are my guidelines for such a composition:

• Singing looks as if it is OK, as long as it is done in a non-secular manner. The minute you stray into secularism you're in trouble.
• No rapping, but perhaps we could have some spoken words here and there like on old country and western records. You know the kind of thing.
• Drumming or percussion is out, unless it uses a piano. An odd but welcome exclusion clause. This loophole could I think form the basis of our composition - we could have a whole troupe of people drumming on pianos. I can see the video now.
• I've tried to find out what 'a-tonal' music is but failed. Beware of a-tonalism is all I can say. You think you can dabble in it, but it'll get you in the end.
• And you people who are thinking of using a 'boom box' whilst doing some dancing and singing operatically. No no no!

There may be a short break in transmission whilst some of us head off to the recording studio.

No comments: